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Written By Rebecca Paris
Are you consistently saying yes to things you want to say no to? Or, are you not even sure how you feel and auto pilot takes over? Well…your body knows. A “no” feels like constriction and may be accompanied by shallow breathing. You will probably feel a vague sense of unease when you are in the situation or just thinking about it.
What is showing up for me right now is the importance of boundaries and self love. This theme has been presenting itself over the last several months in different variations. It seems I am being tested in diplomatically walking the tight rope between honoring self and meeting the needs of others.
Boundaries allow me to love me and you at the same time.
It is amazingly hard for empaths to say no when someone you love or even a casual acquaintance asks you for something. Whether it is doing something for a family member or a volunteer job for an organization. There is often guilt associated with saying no. There is deep programming in our society that says that you shouldn’t be selfish and that doing for family members or co-workers is more important than your own happiness. There is often childhood wounding that causes us to discount ourselves for the sake of others.
In the Emotional Quotient sphere (EQ) of my Gene Keys, I have the Shadow of ‘Exhaustion’ , the Gift of ‘Resolve’ and the Siddhi (exalted state) of ‘Divine Will’. This is the emotional programming that was specifically laid down for me during ages 7-14. In reviewing it recently, I was reminded of the law of conservation of energy. When using willpower that is not in alignment with the natural flow of the universe, you may use up personal Chi (often showing up in time and money) causing exhaustion.
This happens when you force a situation or you allow others to take your energy by forcing their will. This often happens when your boundaries are not strong, or you are out of the flow of the natural order of things. This also occurs in co-dependent relationships where neither person is using energy in their highest alignment according to their unique soul blueprint.
Much of the time we exhaust ourselves through being a martyr. (See blog: “If Love Is the Answer, Why Do I Feel So Depleted). Martyrdom is often a product of our wounding and needing to be loved… feeling like we need to work for what is naturally unconditional. Often we are just trying to be a good person and don’t even realize we are doing this.
Also, if we lack self-respect or self love this can be used expertly by others through emotional manipulation. When someone crosses your boundaries it may be very innocent; however if it is a consistent issue, they may subconsciously feel that their needs are more important that yours. Much of the time the manipulator does not even know they are doing it.
“ When people feel unsafe and insecure in themselves they will easily resort to controlling and manipulating behaviors. Whatever you may be doing or responsibilities you may have, they assert that you need to focus on them and their issues, regardless of the cost it may incur.” –ascensionglossary.com
Common ways to manipulate according to AscensionGlossary:
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